Dealing with Criticism: Lessons from the Field (A Chosen Path)

In commercial real estate, criticism comes with the territory — like property taxes and delayed permits. You can’t avoid it, but you can decide how you handle it. I’ve learned over the years that your response to criticism shapes not just your reputation, but your trajectory. This isn't about finding the one true way to respond, because as I’ve come to understand, there is no 'correct' answer or objective truth when it comes to values or the 'good life'. Instead, it's about making arational choices that align with the person you want to be and the world you wish to create.

Choose how to accept criticism creatively.

The “Icons of D.C. Area Real Estate” podcast has given me a front-row seat to how some of the best in the business navigate tough feedback. Here’s how I’d sum up the playbook, keeping in mind these are not universal laws, but rather effective chosen strategies from the field.

1. Lead with Humility

I’ve never seen arrogance help close a deal. The people who last in this business keep their curiosity higher than their ego. Believing your own values or judgments are objectively "right" makes everyone who doesn't share them "wrong". Len Forkas says it well — never think you’ve “got this” completely. Ethan Penner talks about balancing humility with confidence. That’s the sweet spot: believe in the path you've chosen, but leave room to learn from the diverse choices and perspectives of others. Humility means acknowledging that your understanding is a product of your own experiences and influences, not an objective truth.

2. Listen Like You Mean It

The most valuable conversations often happen when you stop talking. Sean Caldwell reminds us to “ask better questions”. Liz Wainger says to understand the other person’s world before you try to change their mind. This is critical, especially when many different judgments can be contradictory, yet each person believes they are "in the right". I’ve seen disagreements make deals stronger — not because we found a single truth, but because respect stayed in the room, allowing us to find common ground between differing chosen paths.

3. Be Transparent — Always

When something’s gone sideways, own it early. David Orr’s company admits mistakes and fixes them — no spin, no excuses. I’ve found that being upfront isn’t just about integrity; it’s also good business. People remember who was straight with them. "Integrity" and "good business" are values you can choose to uphold, recognizing they are preferences that serve your aims, not objective moral obligations. Being "straight with people" is a chosen approach that builds trust, a critical element in any ongoing experiment.

4. Treat Mistakes as Tuition

I’ve had plenty of “tuition payments” in my career — every wrong turn teaches you something you couldn’t have learned otherwise. Bob Buchanan says you learn more from mistakes than from wins. Bruce Kirsch warns that not learning from them is the real error. This aligns perfectly with the idea that life is an experiment. There's no fixed, correct answer you're failing to find; there are only outcomes that inform your next chosen step. The trick is to correct quickly and avoid paying for the same lesson twice, adjusting your approach based on the feedback from the "experiment".

5. Keep Respect in Play

I’ve walked away from opportunities when the tone turned toxic — it’s never worth the cost. Ron Gart drops clients who treat his team poorly. Grant Ehat says it simply: “Be kind”. "Being kind" is a powerful value you can choose to embody, not a universal commandment. It's amazing how much smoother deals move when you lead with respect, even under pressure. This isn't about adhering to an external morality, but recognizing that the values you impose upon yourself can powerfully shape your interactions and the outcomes of your chosen ventures.

6. Stay Grounded in Your Values

If you know what you stand for, criticism won’t knock you off your course. A.J. Jackson’s work on racial equity, Catherine Buell’s belief that housing is healthcare — these are more than strategies; they’re anchors. In my own career, clear values, which I have chosen and embraced as subjective preferences rather than objective truths, have kept me steady when projects got complicated. Values are your preferences, and you can live your life knowing in your heart what you value, without needing to justify them as 'right' or 'correct'.

7. Get Back in the Ring

Setbacks aren’t a sign to stop — they’re part of the experiment. Bob Buchanan’s “get back in the ring” mantra resonates with me. Herman Bulls reminds us that the worst-case scenario often isn’t that bad. There is no obligation to act in a certain way, only the freedom to choose your response. Keep initiating. Keep trying. The long game is where the real wins happen — the "wins" you choose to define for yourself within your ongoing experiment.

8. Build Trust Through Repetition

Trust isn’t built in one big moment — it’s built every time you follow through. Gary Rappaport says reputation is everything. Bruce Kirsch says to keep showing up “again, again, again”. If people know you’ll do what you say, doors keep opening. This is about consistently acting on your chosen values and commitments, thereby shaping the perception others have of you. It's not about proving an objective truth, but demonstrating a reliable pattern of behavior that serves your chosen goals.

9. Find Your Sounding Boards

You can’t see every angle yourself. I’ve leaned on mentors who challenge me and friends who ask the hard questions. A.J. Jackson says to find mentors who push you. Brad Olsen calls it a two-way conversation. The right voices can help you turn criticism into a smarter move, not just a defensive reaction. Even without objective truth, different perspectives can help you refine your understanding and choose new ways to act. They help you challenge your own "axioms" which are often shaped by your social environment, not inherent truth.

Final Thought

Criticism isn’t a verdict derived from an objective truth — it’s raw material for your personal experiment. Take it, shape it, use it to build something stronger. Treat your career like the experiment it is: try, adjust, try again. You are free to define your own path and goals, not bound by external obligations or a search for an elusive "right" answer. That’s how you grow in this business — and stay in it.